Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
