He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
