No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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