Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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