i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
