saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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