I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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