it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
