there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Im part way to drunk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
