can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
