Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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