you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
