You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
