she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize