i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
