White coat. Heels.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
