Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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