Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
