So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
