Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
