I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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