Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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