dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
