theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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