your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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