If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
