u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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