final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
