I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
