need another drink. this is the easiest way
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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