If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
