good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize