Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
