whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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