genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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