on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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