Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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