Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
