Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
