I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
In America we eat man semen.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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