U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
