so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
