I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
