That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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