My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
