someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
