Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
