You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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