she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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