Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
