My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
