I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
