..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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