Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
