Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
