Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
