I feel like I'm in dance class right now
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize