I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
