my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
