I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
