She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
