And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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