I just pynch a tree in the face
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
