real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
