I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
