whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
