I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
