So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
