I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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