three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
