it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
