my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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