Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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