my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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