so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
