woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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