Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
